WARM MY HEART CHILL MY SOUL
by DARK M PRESS
Summary: WHAT IF BELLA MOVED TO FORKS TO GET AWAY FROM IT ALL AND FORGET ABOUT SOMETHIN' HORRIBLE DONE TO HER BY HER HALFVAMPIRE EX, ALEXANDER? 1ST FANFIC..R&R PLZZZZZZZZZZZZ .BUT BE NICE.ExB.
1. PREFACE

A/N :1st fanfic...crit. welcome////i do not own twilight or its chareacters but i do own Alexander

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_** I CAN'T SLEEP BECAUSE MY PILLOW IS TOO WET...**_

Sleep

I awoke breathless and crying, having just had the same nightmare I've had every night for the past few months. It was about _him_,what he did to me. That dreadful night that will forever haunt my dreams. That horrible event doesn't just haunt my nights but my days aswell,every time I close my eyes I see _him._ Horrible images flash from behind my eyelids causing an immense pain in my heart. Remembering hurts.


	2. ALEXANDER

**_MY BIGGEST REGRET IS FALLING SO HARD FOR YOU..._**

_Alexander_

His name is Alexander Nyx, my half-vampire ex.

I thought he was perfect in every way: A sweet and seductive voice, loving golden eyes full of so much adoration that you could get lost in them forever, and a smile that could make any girls heart stop beating. He was intelligent, sexy, funny and I was completely in love. He had this strange ability to look deep into my eyes and know exactly what I was feeling. Every time he looked into my eyes it seemed as if he could see the very depths of my soul.

I was 16 when I met him. We were both at a party that a mutual friend was having for valentines day and we were both bored out of our minds. While everyone else was dancing and drinking we were both sitting on a couch. I was thinking _parties are completely pointless_ and he caught me off guard by voicing my thoughts. I replied to him with "I was just thinking the exact same thing" and our conversation went on from there. We talked all night about the most random things and found that we actually had a lot in common with each other. After that night he asked me to accompany him on a trip to the movies the following Saturday and I wasn't really sure what to say. I had never been on a date or even been interested in a boy but there was something different about him that called to me and I said yes. I couldn't help it. He was different from anyone else I had ever met and I had to admit, I liked him.

After that night we spent almost every waking moment together. My mother didn't mind me having a boyfriend she was happy as long as I was happy. And I was happy. He was the sweetest most caring person I had ever met and I loved him unconditionally, so when he told me he was half-vampire I didn't really mind.

We had gone to the park and were sitting on a bench looking at the moon when he asked " will you always love me no matter what?" I nodded, slightly confused by his random questioning until he said " I'm half vampire, my mother was a human and my father a vampire, I live off of animal blood when I need feed and I felt horrible keeping this from you, I love you and if you are to return that love you should know about the real me and choose to love me or hate me considering im an unholy demon" he said sounding almost ashamed .I didn't like the little nickname he had giving himself, and made sure to voice my thoughts completely " you are not an unholy demon!!" I replied frustrated " you are wonderful and I love you completely human or not" I said staring strait at him so he would be able to look into my eyes and understand that I meant it. Naturally I had a lot of questions, considering I hadn't known about the existence of vampires until that moment. He told me all about whole vampires and where he differed from them, like he didn't sparkle in the sun like they did but gave off a slight glow instead and that his heart beat and he wasn't immortal. He also told me that he had their thirst, speed, and strength. But I didn't care about all that because I loved him and I thought he loved me too, he had even given me a ring that night. It was a simple silver band with one diamond but within it's simplicity lied it's beauty.

"It's a promise ring" Alexander stated, as he slipped it on the same finger an engagement ring would be on. " I promise to always love you and in return I ask that you never remove it from your finger because once it is taken off our bond will be broken." so I promised that I would not take it off because taking it off would be "breaking our bond of true love" and it was true love, or so I thought. Everything changed a little after a year of us being together, one night everything went downhill.


	3. DISTRESS

A/N...CONTAINS SEXUAL ASSAULT) DISTRESS

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_**FOR YOUR MISTAKE I'LL BE THE ONE TO PAY...**_

_Distress_

I was sleeping peacefully when I felt myself being shaken lightly. I was too tired to care so I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep, but then the shaking became more aggressive, not enough to hurt but enough for me to jump up frightened and nearly fall out of the bed. I was caught moments before I hit the ground by Alexander, my prince. He usually stayed the night but never woke me up in the middle of it. Being a half vampire meant he could only sleep maybe about once a week, all other nights he would just hold me close to him in a loving embrace while I slept.

"What is wrong?" I whispered afraid of what was so important the he had to wake me up

"nothing, I just missed you" Alexander replied like it was the most obvious answer in the world

rolling my eyes I lay back down to go back to sleep until I heard him say

"wait don't go back to sleep yet, stay up with me"

so, I turned on the lamp that was beside my bed on my night stand and sat back up thinking to myself _is he wasn't so attractive I would be so angry_.

I was too tired to start off a conversation so I waited for him to speak, but looking back I wish I hadn't.

"Isabella" he started, pronouncing my full name hesitantly. That's when I knew something was up, because he usually had little nicknames for me like sweety, Baby, or hunney. " I've never met anyone like you, I love you more than life itself and I want the chance to show you how much I love you" he stopped awaiting my reply but I was too confused to speak so I waited for him to elaborate

"I want to make love to you" he concluded

I found my voice then "what?!?" I half yelled half whispered

"I...-" he started again but I cut him off

"I heard what you said" I replied choosing my words carefully "and I love you, I really do, but im not ready for that and I want to wait, it should be special and something we are both ready for" I expected him to look into my eyes and understand my reasoning like he always did but instead he looked hurt for a moment but it soon turned in to disbelief and anger.

Then he pressed him self against me, pushing me down onto the bed. I could hear it creek underneath us as I tried to get him off of me and sit back up. Unfortunately I was not strong enough. I began to thrash and twist in a futile attempt to get out of his grasp, He just held on tighter, holding my wrists above my head with one hand and with the other he began to undress himself and me as well. "don't" I whispered "stop" I wanted to scream but I was afraid my Mother and Phil would wake up and Alexander would kill them or something, I began to shiver I was so afraid. My pleas were ignored, he kept removing our clothing, and I continued to thrash and twist trying to fight him off of me until I felt an immense amount of pain in my lower region, he wasn't forceful, he was surprisingly gentle, but it still hurt. It was then that I stopped trying to fight, I had given up, He had won. I knew I could not scream so I moaned in agony and closed my eyes in order to imagine that I was dreaming and that I would soon wake up from this nightmare. But I didn't wake up because it wasn't a dream, It was real. He continued to take advantage of me for what felt like an eternity. When he stopped he got off of me, kissing my forehead whispering "I love you Isabella" then he disappeared out of my window. I couldn't believe it. He did it. Took away my innocence ,my purity, my virginity.

It was then that I began to cry. I refused to let myself cry while he was still there because I couldn't let him see that he had won, that he had broken me. I hadn't realized I was crying so long until I decided I needed a bath, to wash him off of me and I took a long shower and the sun had risen.

I went into my Mothers and Phil's room telling her that I did not feel well enough to go to school and that I was staying home.

"What's wrong honey" she asked.

"everything" I replied and wasn't questioned any further. I had never stayed home unless I was sick so, I'm sure she just thought I wasn't feeling well and left me alone.

I couldn't go to school because 1. Alexander would be there and I couldn't handle seeing him and 2. I was afraid that if I went everyone would be able to see the truth, I was afraid they would look into my eyes passed the shame and straight through to the truth, I was afraid they would find out something that I never wanted anyone to know. But I kind of wanted them to see through me all the way to my secret because then I wouldn't have to voice it and people would know what he did to me.


	4. SWEET ESCAPE

**_MY DAYz WERE BETTER WHEN YOU WERE WITH ME..._**

_Sweet Escape_

I thought about having Alexander put away but I didn't go to the authorities because Alexander was half-vampire and either wouldn't allow the police to take him in, or he would brake out later using his vampire strength. Also I was afraid that if I tried to have him put away he would come after me. That didn't sound to appealing. He was never the violent type so I am not sure if he would actually kill me, but he was never the rapist type either and that didn't turn out so good.

I often thought about how it would be if he came back for me. There is no telling what he would do next time. I had to admit, I was afraid. I was never afraid of him before, he had given me no reason to be. Well, the old Alexander had given me no reason to be. The new Alexander, I wasn't really sure what to expect from him. If he could do_ that_ there is no telling what he would do the next time if he got a hold of me. To stay safe and hopefully forget as well, I knew what I had to do; I had to leave ASAP.

I knew I couldn't stay in that house anymore, so I asked if it would be ok if I moved from Seattle to Forks to live with my father, Charlie. When my Mother and her husband Phil asked 'why?' I simply told them that Alexander and I had broken up and that I needed to get away for a while. It was slightly true I guess, I was definitely trying to get away but about the whole broken up part, I wasn't sure. How could we be together after what he did? I thought about how much hurt he had caused me but I also thought about how much I missed him and wasn't sure if my will power was strong enough for me to stay away from him. Reluctantly, my Mother agreed and called Charlie to make sure that it was ok for me to live with him for a little while. He was happy considering I hadn't seen him in months. I called often but never really visited.

My flight was scheduled to leave a week after school let out. It was the beginning of June and I only had two days of classes left. I was afraid to go to school but I had to go in order to take my final exams, if I didn't I wouldn't pass junior year. I would not get kept back, that was out of the question. I would just have to deal with Alexander if I happen to see him.

Luckily I didn't see Alexander at school. I was grateful that he wasn't there because I was afraid I couldn't handle seeing him. Like if I saw him I would immediately break down I secretly missed him, The sweet sensitive Alexander I knew. The one who would hold me while I cried during sad movies and tell me that everything was going to be alright. Or the Alexander that could make me laugh so easily when I was having a bad day.

The following week I was driven to the airport by my mother. She told me the whole way there "remember, you don't have to stay if you don't want to. You can come back when ever your ready."

When I'm ready huh? I didn't think I would ever be ready, that house held a memory that I wished to no longer have, I couldn't face it. That was why I was moving to Forks in the first place, so I could get away and never come back.. I left so I could move on and not be confronted by the pass. I know it makes me seem like a coward, but running seemed like the right thing to do. I wanted a fresh start, one that Forks would give me. Dealing with excessive rain was a small price I'd have to pay in order to forget.

The plane ride was uneventful. I listened to my ipod the entire way and consumed a massive amount of coke, so I wouldn't sleep. I had to stay awake so I wouldn't be faced with the nightmares that threatened to invade my sleep. I couldn't handle sleeping because my dreams scared me too much. The last thing I needed was to scream on a plane full of passengers. Every time I slept I would vividly remember that night. The look in his eyes, even in my dream, was the same as that night. I was scared to the very depths of my soul by his eyes that night. They were different somehow, almost emotionless, not the adoring eyes I had grown to love. I can't quite tell you what it was, but _something _was missing from his eyes. They looked almost demonic, not the Angelic eyes that I loved gettin' lost in.

Charlie was waiting for me when my plane landed. Just as I had expected he had the police cruiser. _I definitely need to get a car of my own_ I thought to myself as I climbed into the passenger seat. The ride home was kind of awkward, Charlie tried the "small talk" thing but failed miserably at it. He asked me how school was going I said 'alright'. he told me that I would love living in Forks again I just answered with 'alright'. he got tired of my one-word answers and stopped trying. I felt bad but I couldn't help it. I would have been a better passenger had I not still been sad about Alexander, thinking of him tore at my heart, I wondered why he had done that. He never showed any signs of being that type of person.

He was always so sweet and would tell me he loved me constantly. One of my favorite memories of us was one day when he took me to his house to meet his mother. She was a nice woman, and excepted me warmly. I have to admit I didn't expect that from her, I don't know why but I didn't think she would be too happy about me knowing her sons secret but she was happy that he was happy, just like my mother had been with me.

anyway, we had been sitting on his porch, swinging on his porch swing and not saying a word, just enjoying each others company when he broke the silence with "sweety, I want you to know that I would never hurt you I love you for all of eternity" I'll admit that it was rather random, but it pleased me anyway. I searched his eyes deeply and saw no hint of lies, I only saw adoration and love. I knew he meant every word. I knew that he loved me. He knew that I loved him. We were happy, so WHY did he have to ruin it? He wasn't like that before, he never showed interest in anything other than being in my company. I can't believe he threw away everything that we had worked so hard on. We should have been able to spend the rest of our days together, happy. What makes me feel so bad though is that even though he had taken away my innocence and violated me beyond comprehension, I still missed him a great deal. Forks will help I told myself. It will help me forget and move on.


	5. HOSPITAL

**_(A/N : THANK YOU ALL OF MY LOVELY REVIEWERS I LUV U GUYz... AND IF THIS CHAP UPSETS U READ THE ENGING A/N)_**

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**_I JUST WANT TO HEAR SOMEONE TELLIN' ME THAT IT ISN'T MY FAULT..._**

_Hospital_

**_(two and a half months later...)_**

The last two months I did absolutely nothing but think of Alexander, cry, and then scold myself immediately after. I tried so hard to get him off of my mind but I can't. I still miss him, so very much. It shouldn't be this hard to forget him, but it is. And to add to it I think I'm getting sick. Yay me!! _Sarcasm_

I woke up this morning and had to throw up, again. I've thrown up every morning this entire week. Lucky for me Charlie is at work every time I have to run out of my room to the bathroom. I don't want him to question me or get all parental and try to take care of me._ I don't know what could be causing this sickness ? _I thought to myself just before it hit me _I couldn't be pregnant, could I? OMG!_ That was the last thought I had before I called the hospitalto make an appointment.

I became increasingly nervous as I entered the Forks Medical parking lot. I was nervous the entire drive but pulling into the parking lot made it a lot worse. _What if I am pregnant?_ I couldn't get rid of the baby, that was out of the question. I had to keep it, But what would I tell my parents? I couldn't tell them the truth, that I had been sexually assaulted by Alexander, but I didn't want them to think that I was the kind of girl who had sex with just anybody because I wasn't like that, and I couldn't stand for them to be ashamed of me. A million questions ran through my mind as I walked up to the front desk to inform them that their three o'clock had arrived.

"Go to room three and the doctor will be in there shortly" said the woman behind the counter in a nasally voice that made my skin crawl. She acted as if she was beyond annoyed and couldn't wait to get out of the hospital, but that was the least of my worries. What I had to think of now was what I would do if I was pregnant. Maybe I could tell them that I had a random fling and I got pregnant. I know it sounds bad but its better than the truth right? Im so confused, I don't know what to do.

Just as I was running scenarios through my head of what could happen the doctor walked in. He was young, blond and handsomer than any movie star I had every seen. His silk voice brought me out of gawking.

"So, Miss Swan im doctor Cullen, and what seems to be the problem?"

"I feel sick and tired and I can not stop vomiting" I explained without looking at him.

"mmmmh" he muttered, seeming deep in thought "any chance you might be pregnant?" he asked slowly.

"I think I might be" I admitted still looking down. I knew how it looked, like I had sex and was facing the results. But it was so much worse than that.

"Its ok, your not the only teenager who may be pregnant , there is no need to feel ashamed" he said soothingly. If only I could tell him that I wasn't ashamed that I was pregnant, but ashamed of the way I got pregnant, if I even was pregnant. I still didn't know.

Much to my displeasure, he drew blood to confirm if I was pregnant or not. I felt dizzy but was way too anxious to pass out. I had to fight with myself to keep my eyes open, the conscience side won. He left, coming back awhile later saying enthusiastically "congratulations Miss Swan you're pregnant! "

I sat for a few seconds and tried to keep myself calm, but as I thought about how much those simple five words could change my life I couldn't hold it in any longer, I put my head in my hands and I began to cry. I didn't know what to do, I felt trapped. I knew Dr. Cullen most likely thought I was crazy but I didn't care, crying made me feel better, like I was releasing all the pain and burdens. I felt a cold hand on my shoulder but I couldn't look up I was too upset.

"Is it that your pregnant? There are ways to fix that, have you considered abortion or adoption?" he said in a very professional voice.

I looked up then, there was no way I was going to give up my baby, what kind of mother would I be if I did that? It wasn't my babies fault that it's father was an asshole. I couldn't do that to my baby. He or She didn't deserve that at all.

If it wasn't for that fact that I was raped I would have been extremely excited. Alexander and I often talked about parenthood. We had planned out our entire lives including child birth, if it was a boy we would name him Alexander, after his dad obviously. If it was a girl however, we would name her Nanette. I don't know why but it was always a name I loved.

"It's not that im pregnant, im happy im pregnant, a little, its just that..." I trailed off, taking a deep breath and realizing what I was about to confess. I couldn't even bring myself to tell my own parents, how could I tell a doctor I just met. Then he would most likely want to do the whole 'rape kit' thing and I didn't want to have to go through all that.

"It's just that what?" he asked "I can help you, I am a doctor, after all" he continued

"I don't think you want to know" I said looking into his golden eyes wishing he could understand like Alexander had always been able to. I just wanted to let go of the past, let go of Alexander and... wait a minute, his eyes are golden, that means he is a animal drinking vampire. The inhuman beauty, the cold skin, the gold eyes, the purple bruises under his eyes I should have noticed sooner but I was too preoccupied with the fear of being pregnant. My curiosity got the best of me and before I could think about what I was saying I blurted out " how can you stand to be around so much blood without wanting to drink it?"

He looked confused for a moment, but then realizing what I meant he asked "you know what I am don't you?" he said it more like a statement rather than a question but

I nodded anyway and replied "don't worry your secret is safe with me, your not the first vampire I've met" I smiled slightly.

"how?" he asked "how do you know what I am" he continued curiously.

"well, the babies father is a half-vampire" I replied I didn't want to say my ex boyfriend, for some reason that felt wrong and I wasn't ready to stop loving him, although I'm sure he stopped loving me. I touched the ring he had given me subconsciously. It was still on my finger, I wasn't ready, not yet, I couldn't let him go. Noticing this Dr. Cullen replied "ah, yes, and where is this young man?" with a smile on his face. He must have thought we were engaged or something.

" I don't know" I looked down ashamed. His smile faded

"Im sor-" he started but I cut him off

"its alright Dr. Cullen"

"and please call me Carlisle"

"alright, Carlisle" I smiled despite the situation

"listen, may I call you Isabella?"

"Of course"

"then Isabella, I'm not sure if it is best that you come to the hospital for your medical care seeing as how your child may display some vampiric qualities, I get off of work in about half an hour if you wouldn't mind waiting I'd like to take you to my home for further evaluation"

"I don't mind" I said. I would love to know about this baby and how to take care of it in case it does display vampiric qualities. A vampire doctor, is there a better person to get advice from? The half an hour went by quickly while I thought about how to handle this. By the time he was ready to leave I still didn't know what to do.

The ride to his house didn't take long. I followed in my red truck that was given to my by Charlie as a 'welcome home' gift. His house was magnificent. The house was timeless, graceful, and probably a hundred years old. _Wow how rich is he?_ I thought to myself as I looked at the size.

His car came to stop in front of me and I parked my truck behind him. He got out of his vehicle and I got out of mine following him inside.

"Allow me to introduce you to my family" and no sooner than he said that, six vampires walked out of what I guess was the family room.

"This is Alice" he began pointing to a short pixie-like girl with short black hair who had the biggest smile I had ever seen in my life, on her face.

"Jasper" he continued pointing to a boy next to Alice, he was lean with honey blond hair, he nodded politely.

"Emmet" he went on pointing to a boy with dark curly hair. He was huge, I mean serious weightlifter huge. I was instantly intimidated by his size, but his friendly smile made me feel more at ease.

"Rosalie" he pointed to a breathe taking blond girl. She waved shyly and I did the same.

"Edward" he pointed to a boy that was lanky with untidy bronze colored hair. He was gorgeous. He was different somehow, his eyes I decided was the difference. The held a depth to them that I was immediately captured in. I felt a force calling me to him, it was very subtle, but I noticed it. I couldn't help but wonder why it reminded me of the first time I met Alexander. They were all inhumanly beautiful but he was by far the most handsome.

"And last but not least, my wife. Esme" she hugged me in a motherly manner and made me feel very welcome.

They all smiled and waved but I could see the curiosity burning deep within their eyes. I know that they were wondering what this human girl could be doing here. I could tell Carlisle noticed too because he quickly explained

"she is pregnant with the child of a half-vampire so I brought her here for an exam"

"ohh" they all replied in unison. I noticed, but only for I second, that right after Carlisle said that Edward glare at Alice.

It was getting a bit awkward so I decided to speak

" its nice to meet all of you, you have a very beautiful home"

"we are so glad that you could come" replied Carlisles wife, Esme.

Then the short one, Alice I think was her name, hugged me. It was so sudden I was sure my heart stopped in surprise. But once I realized she was hugging me I returned her hug, but with less enthusiasm. It was impossible not to return her hug. She seemed so innocent and sweet I couldn't help but feel like we had known each other for an eternity. Once she released me she gave me a very friendly smile but I could see mischief brimming behind her eyes as she said " I saw you coming, congratulations by the way"

"thank you" I replied although I wasn't quite sure what she meant by 'I saw you coming'

she must have seen the confusion on my face because she went on "I'm a physic "

"oh" I replied understanding. Alexander once told me about how some vampires have certain gifts above the norm for their kind. But he never did know why it happened. He himself didn't have any but his father was a fire starter.

Carlisle led me up the stairs to his office. I grew nervous of what he would tell me. What if my baby was part vampire, I didn't know how to take care of a vampire baby._ What if it needs blood? How am I to get something like that? _I was taken out of my thoughts by Carlisle telling me " please take a seat" as we entered his office.

I did as I was told and sat down on the other side of the desk that he was sitting at.

" I would like to run some tests if that is alright" he began "I want to make sure that this baby is healthy and I will be able to tell you if this child is human or not, if you would like to know" of course !!!

I nodded eagerly, that was something that had been bothering me ever since I found out that I was pregnant.

"Would you like an ultrasound?" Carlisle asked after numerous test. I wasn't quite sure what he was doing but for some reason I trusted him.

"Yes I would, very much" I replied. I really wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl. I would love my baby no matter what but I was curious.

"Ok I'm going to need to take you to the basement because the required equipment is down there, alright?"he asked

I stood up as a reply. My curiosity was eating away at me. I wanted to know the sex of this baby so badly.

When I looked at the ultrasound screen I couldn't stop the tears from flowing.I was happy because I looked onto the screen and saw the most beautiful thing I've ever seen; my beautiful, human baby girl. But at the same time I couldn't help but think how this child's life would be without a father. That saddened me, the fact that I couldn't produce a happy family for my baby.But I couldn't tell Alexander, even if I wanted to, I had no idea where he was. And as much as I hate admitting it I missed him. The old him. The him I fell in love with. That just made more tears come and roll down my cheeks. Carlisle put a comforting hand on my shoulder, for the second time today making me think _I really have to get a grip in my emotions, maybe it's the pregnancy making me so emotional._

"I'm sorry Carlisle, its just a lot to take in" I said wiping my eyes.

"its alright, your not the first pregnant woman to cry at the sight of her ultrasound"

I smiled slightly, finding comfort in his words. He was really good at comforting patients.

After that Carlisle and I talked a little of what I should and should not do to keep my baby girl healthy, just basic stuff, like when to feed and change her.After thanking him and saying goodbye I walked downstairs to leave but was stopped by Alice. She had the most heartbreaking look on her face, like she would be crying if it were possible for a vampire.

"Are you alright?" I asked worried.

"the better question is are you?" she responded. I was more than a little confused by that remark so I waited for her to continue " I know what he did to you, normally I only get premonitionsbut for some reason this time I was able to see the past, and I know what your boyfriend did to you, I saw it and I'm so sorry" she finished, looking at me as if to judge my reaction. I was shocked to say the least. I didn't want anyone to know, especially someone I had just met. I didn't know what to say, I was at a lost for words. So I did the only thing I could think of, I began to plead

" please Alice, I'm begging you, don't tell anyone" just then Emmet walked in the room asking " don't tell anyone what?" I looked at Alice, afraid that she would tell Emmet

"nothing that is of your concern Emmet" she replied. I gave I sigh of relief, I really didn't want anyone else to know. Alice looked at me sadly for a moment before hugging me and whispering

"don't worry, everything will work out in your favor, I promise" then she kissed my cheek and gracefully walked away. I left their house thinking my entire trip home I thought _I hope she's right._

When I got home I made dinner, I knew Charlie couldn't cook and demanded that he allow me to do so for the duration of my stay. I wasn't in the mood for anything too fancy so I just made some baked chicken and pasta. Charlie came home around an hour after I did and I could see that he was exhausted and was grateful I made dinner. Dinner was uneventful until Charlie asked what I did

"I read a new book today" I lied. I wasn't ready to tell him about the pregnancy. I was afraid of his reaction.

I went to bed early, I didn't want to sleep but I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I didn't know what to do. Eventually I would have to tell my parents but I would deal with that when the time came. I finally fell asleep around 1 am. I had the same dream I've had every night for months. Its always the same, Alexander comes into my room and rapes me and I always wake up crying and screaming. What really gets to me is the look in his eyes, it is so very frightening. This night was a little different because when I woke up I wasn't alone . I knew someone else was there, I could feel it. I looked around my room nervously feeling another persons presence and that is when my visitor came into view...

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_**(A/N: NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE WHO HAS GIVEN UP A CHILD THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, ITS JUST THAT THE BELLA IN MY STORY ISNT 4 THAT SO DONT HATE ME)**_


	6. CHEERIN' UP

_**I WANNA FORGET BUT I THINK I NEED YOUR HELP...**_

_Cheerin' up_

My heart nearly stopped. I thought it had been Alexander in my room but it wasn't and for that I was thankful. I was afraid that he had come to take advantage of me again or kill me this time.

"Alice?!?" I whispered surprised

"I'm sorry Bella but I had a vision of you crying and screaming and I came over to make sure you were alright" she said innocently.

I smiled at her kindness, she was so sweet to come over here to check on me. Even if she did scared me half to death. I waited for my heart to restart itself then spoke

"I'm fine, thank you Alice, I just had a bad dream is all" I didn't want to tell her that I've had the same dream every night for months so I left it at that. She looked like she knew exactly what the dream had been about, but I couldn't be sure. She did have a vision after all, and with my sleep talking she most likely heard me say something about it. I'm not sure what I screamed at night, I just know that I did, well what ever it was it probably wasn't Pleasant.

"oh Bella I'm going to make you fell better, ill take you shopping tomorrow, just us girls and we will have so much fun, you will feel better I promise" she smiled. I thought about her proposal and considering I hate shopping I began to protest but she cut me off with

" I already saw it and it will help you a lot, trust me" she sounded so sincere that it was impossible for me not to trust her so I agreed that I would go shopping with her.

"I'll be here to pick you up at 10am sharp" was the last thing she said before disappearing out of my window. It was still very early in the morning so I went back to sleep only to wake up two more times crying from the same nightmare._ Damn nightmares why can't they just go away?_ That was my reason for coming to Forks in the first place, to get away from Alexander and that night, I didn't want to have to deal with it anymore, there is nothing I hated more than having to re-live that nigh. Remembering only brought tears, I ended up crying myself to sleep holding the ring he had given me.

I woke up the next morning at 8:30 and knew right away that I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. So I decided to get up, eat, and get ready for Alice. I didn't really want to go shopping but I did need to do something to get my mind off Alexander, I just hoped it would help like Alice said it would. I ate some apple jacks, my favorite cereal, and then showered. The warm water relaxed me and helped me clear my mind.

My outfit was simple, a black shirt that said in white letters "PLAY DIRTY" black jeans and my black and white converses. I was still depressed so I thought black would be the best color to dress in. I was mourning the loss of my Alexander.

Alice arrived at 10 sharp, just like she had promised. As she had also promised I had a really good time and felt happier after our five hour shopping trip. I know it sounds like along time but you know what they say 'time flies when your having fun' that saying is oh so true. Alice, Rosalie, and I went to every clothing store at the Port Angeles mall. We had a blast, and a ton of clothes, it wasn't the shopping that I liked but rather the company. They were so nice to me, and even though I had only met them the day before, it was like we had been friends forever. We talked about random things, the places we've been and we would like to visit. That conversation was dominated mostly by me because living so long they had been a lot of different places. I don't know how the conversation turned this way but they told me about the powers that some of the cullen family members had. Edward could read minds, jasper could effluence emotions and Alice could see the future. Alice also told me that for some reason he couldn't read my mind and it frustrated him very much. That information brought me great pleasure though because there are things that run through my mind that are private. I didn't know how I would feel if he had been able to read my mind the entire time. Alice talked the most, and although Rosalie was a bit more shy towards me than Alice is I like her just the same.

We got back to Forks around 4 and we all went back to the Cullen house hold. I didn't mind not going home, it would only give me way too much time to think. Everyone except Jasper was there sitting in the front room watching tv. When we walked in everyones heads snapped up quickly and they greeted us, then just as fast they were back to watching tv.

"Come on Bella they are too preoccupied right now, lets chat" Alice said as her and Rosalie pulled me into the hallway. It was very open, it must have originally been several rooms but the walls had been removed to create one wide space. I let my eyes drift to the grand piano on top of a platform by the door. "Do you play?" Rosalie asked with a curious smile. "A little" I answered.

I could only play what Alexander had taught me a long time ago, he loved music and played many instruments, and promised to teach me to play the piano. It took a while for me to learn even the simplest information but he never showed any signs of impatience.

"Would you play for us" Alice asked enthusiastically. She looked so sweet in that moment that I was incapable of saying no to her. I thought about what to play for a moment and I decided to play a song that I had been working on for a few weeks prior to the "incident" with Alexander. I had wanted to surprise him and show him that I made up a song all on my own, but I never got the chance. It saddened me that I would never get to play it for him, because in all fairness it was written for him.

It was a mixture of love, happiness, warmth, and passion. I wrote it to reflect how Alexander made me feel, well before he did what he had. I turned to the Ivory keys and all the emotion that I held bottled up for the past few months came out threw music. When I first began to write it I wanted it to show exactly how I felt. Before it sounded nice but I wanted people to be able to listen to my song and feel exactly how I felt. That's what it sounded like now, not to be conceded, but this sound was so beautiful to me that it was foreign. I wasn't even aware that I could make such beautiful music. I lost myself in the music and continued to play my heart out, it really helped to calm me down. When I finished my song I looked up to see the entire cullen family staring at me with a mix of awe and sadness. "That was the most excellent piece of music I've ever heard, did you write it?" asked Edward his silken voice filled with wonder and curiosity "thank you, and yes I did write it" I answered blushing scarlet. I decided it would be better not to look into his eyes again because of how it made me feel the last time. Although it felt nice, it reminded me about Alexander, which most things did.

"oh my goodness Bella that was wonderful" that reaction came from Alice, of course. " you play very well dear I must admit if I could cry I would" Esme said looking so sad that I almost cried myself. Everyone else agreed with her, nodding. "thank you everyone" I said feeling self conscience.

"so, Isabella what are you doing tonight?" Emmet asked suddenly. I hadn't even thought about doing anything, I was just going to go home and try to not think about Alexander. "Um nothing, why?" I answered hesitantly.

"well everyone is going on a hunting trip except me, because I hunted earlier this week and I was wondering if you wanted to go somewhere with me, for fun?" he concluded.

I looked at Rosalie, she seemed nice enough but I wasn't sure how she would feel about me going out with her husband, seeing my hesitation Rosalie jumped in "Its alright Bella, go and have fun, you need it" how did she know that could every tell I was depressed? I thought I was covering up very well.

While everyone else was hunting Emmet and I went to the movies, I wasn't ready for any type of romantic film, it would hurt too much, so we settled on watching an action adventure. It was such a corny film that Emmet and I didn't really watch it but made fun of the entire movie instead. We laughed nonstop about the cheesy film we were watcing.

I must admit that I had an excellent time and he made me forget about everything. I could tell we were going to be really good friends. He made me laugh without really even trying and it did cheer me up, a lot. After the movie finished Emmet took me home jokingly saying that I had enough excitement for a pregnant lady for one night. I laughed at that, playfully punching him in the arm.

I got home around 7 o'clock Charlie was on the couch watching the sports channel. When he heard me come in he turned around to greet me

"hi bella"

"Hi dad" I replied.

"where were you today? you weren't here when I came home"_ damn_. I didn't want to lie so I got as close to the truth that I could

"I went to the mall and met some of the cullen children"

"Dr. Cullen's children?" he asked in astonishment.

I pretend not to notice and replied smoothly with

"yeah. They are all very nice."

"Well I'm glad your enjoying yourself and making_ friends_" I realized that he had emphasized 'friends' and wondered why until he voiced his next question

" which ones did you meet exactly" oh. I got it then, Charlie was worried I had met one of the boys and spent the day with him.

"Rosalie and Alice" I replied quickly to relieve his tension. He visibly relaxed and I took that as my cue to leave. I called goodnight from the top of the stair and went into my room to get some rest. Well as much rest as I could with those horrid nightmares bothering me.


	7. E MAIL

_** BE MY SUPERMAN AND SAVE ME...**_

_E-mail_

the rest of the week sucked. I had nothing to take my mind off of Alexander. I tried to read one of my favorite books but realized they were all romance novels and gave up on that idea.

I was never a really big TV fan but I decided anything was better than wallowing in self-pity and loneliness. Big surprise, there was nothing on TV all week. The first time I turned it on it was some pregnancy show and all the movies playing were romantic comedies.

I couldn't take it anymore so on Friday I decided that I would e-mail mom and let her know that I'm still living. I missed her, she was my best friend next to Alexander. My computer took so long to load I almost gave up and threw it out of the window. I was never a violent person, so the thought kind of surprised me, but with everything that was going on the idea of throwing the computer out of the window didn't seem so bad. I knew it wouldn't hurt the computer, it isn't alive although it would brake, but the idea of finally having some control over my life was very appealing. I thought about throwing the computer out of the window for a good five minutes.

I ended up not throwing the computer out of the window but instead sat at the desk tapping my fingers impatiently. It was taking so long to load. When it finally did load and I successfully exited all pop-up windows I went to check my e-mail. _Dark M Press __AOL dot com password nyx_. I choose that as a password because it was easy to remember being Alexanders last name, but I tried not to think about that.

I had one message in my inbox and I figured it was my mother scolding me for not contacting her sooner but I got the surprise of my life. The computer screen read '_one new message...sender Dark M Peror' _I will let you have one guess as to who that is. Yeah, it's _Alexander_. We thought it would be cute if we had matching Screen Names.

It was late one night and we were sitting in his room at his computer desk discussing the pros and cons of aim.

PROS

.chat with friends

.make up fun names and prank the very friends you chat with.

That was as far as we got for pros. For cons we had

CONS

.people can instant message you even if you don't want to talk to them

.you can get pranked as well

If you are wondering why we even bothered making a list, we were extremely bored and needed something to do.

Anyways, we ended up getting aim so we could talk to each other when we were apart, although that wasn't very often. We said that we wouldn't give the screen names out to anyone else so no unwanted instant messages would pop up.

It took us half an hour to decide on the appropriate names for us, We had come up with a few silly ones like Seattle Hott boii and Seattle hott gal, or da best guy eva and da best girl eva. I know that they were pretty dumb but it was fun to make them up anyway. After much debating we picked Dark M Press for me and Dark M Peror for him. He said I was his queen of the night and I told him he was my king. So they seemed appropriate. We used to say that we would rule the night together. I don't know why, but it sounded really cute at the time.

My hands shook as I clicked 'open'. I was afraid of what he would say, and that if he was apologizing I would run back to him. Which would not be in my best interest. I waited for the computer to load my message. I took a deep breath and began reading...

_**(a/n I so wanted to end there but I won't)**_

'_Isabella , my sweet. I love you more than life itself, never forget that. I'll see you soon.'_

It was a very short message but it still upset me more than you can imagine. It made me think of that night because that was the same thing he said that night 'I love you more than life itself' I was upset because it made me remember what I was trying so hard to forget. What did that whole 'never forget that mean'? Was he threatening me? And 'I'll see you soon' what was I to make of a statement like that? Did he know where I had run off to?

I never told him where my dad lived. We rarely talked about my dad. It upset Alexander because he had never really known his father. Only what his mother had told him. He had always wished for a dad and I think that was a main part of why he wanted to be a dad so much, so he could be there for his children like his dad was never there for him. So we never talked about our dads.

I know my mother doesn't always think things through but I know she wouldn't have told him where I was. I left to get away from him, and him knowing where I was does not help with that, so I know she wouldn't tell him that.

_What am I suppose to do now. I need help, major help. I had to talk to someone, but who??_ The only person who knew what happen was Alice. That actually wasn't such a bead idea. Ok. I'll talk to Alice, she makes me feel better. That what I need a friend, Alice will help. I didn't even bother turning off the computer and I bolted out of the door.

Tears blurred my vision the entire ride to the Cullen household. I could barely drive I was shaking so bad. I knew it was ridiculous to behave this way, but I couldn't stop the tears or the aguish that accompanied the thoughts I had about Alexander. Its been two months and I still can't get him off of my mind. Then he e-mails me and makes it worse?

I pulled up to the Cullen house and got out of my ancient truck. I was happy I still remembered how to get up here. I ran to the front door and knocked softly, I was in pain but no need to hurt their sensitive ears. I had assumed that Alice would have seen me coming and would have answered the door but it wasn't her it was Edward. He looked surprised at first but then I guess he noticed the state I was in and looked concerned

"are you alright?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head "is Alice home?" I asked anxious to see her.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, is it something I could maybe help you with?"

I made the mistake of looking into his eyes then, they held nothing but concern and another emotion I couldn't quite place. He was staring right back into my eyes with an intensity that almost stopped my heart.

"You need to talk" was all he said before he gestured for me to some inside. I wasn't sure how he could know something like that. How did he know I needed to talk and that I wasn't sad for another reason, on that didn't require talking. He motioned for me to sit on the couch while he did the same thing.

"What is it that bothering you Bella?" he asked softly. I looked down, I couldn't tell him why I was so upset. I didn't even know why I followed him inside. Well yeah I do, I was captivated buy his eyes. "I-I can't tell you" I stuttered through more tears. He put his index finger under my chin and forced me to look at him.

I could still see his perfect features through the tears.

"I know that we just met but you can trust me" he said. He sounded genuine that I almost gave in and told him, almost. I knew I could trust him, I could clearly see the honesty within his eyes but I couldn't bring myself to tell him. When I remained silent he suggested

"Shall we go somewhere then? It may help you relax" I couldn't help agreeing.

The car ride was quiet except for the soft melody of classical music, it helped me loosen up a little bit. After about 10 minutes Edward broke the silence "there is some walking involved, but exercise is good for you" he said with a small smirk

"is that why your in such great shape" I replied jokingly. He was a vampire that's why he was in such good shape. I surprised myself by talking I hadn't said anything in a while and I wasn't sure if I would talk at all. He seemed surprised too and his smirk grew into a crooked smile that made my heart speed up, just a bit. I knew he could hear it but he didn't say anything. I was happy he spared me the embarrassment.

After some more driving in silence he broke it again

"What are you thinking" he asked curiously. I wasn't really thinking about anything, for the first time in months my mind was clear of worries, and I wondered if it had anything to do with being next to Edward. But I had a feeling that if I said 'nothing' he would think I wasn't trusting him again. I settled on

"Just wondering where we are going" for some reason that made him smirk again.

"It's a place I like to go to clear my head and get away form it all" that made me feel better because that was exactly what I wanted to do.

We came to the roads end, constricting a thin foot trail with a small wooden marker.

" there is a nice little meadow back there but I don't think its best to have you walking in your..." he searched for the right word "condition" he concluded. He seemed slightly upset as he said this and I couldn't understand why.

"But there is also a nice clearing up this path as well, I think it's more suitable for today". He said while stepping forward, I followed silently.

We walked in a calm silence, it wasn't awkward because there was no need for words at that moment. I'm not sure if we walked for that long or if it was my 'condition' but after awhile I became tired. I sat down on a wooden bench that was beneath a large tree and hidden in the shade. Edward sat down across from me and gazed deep into my eyes. The feeling returned, that strong pulling at my heart. It overwhelmed me quite a bit. I had the sudden urge to kiss him, touch him, _something_.

"Isabella" he began "tell me what it is that is troubling you, I may be of some assistance, and I so badly long t to understand you."

He looked concerned and frustrated at the same time, I guessed it was because he couldn't read my thoughts. I looked down for a moment and then returned his gaze, _big mistake_. Looking into his eyes made me feel compelled to tell him not only my secret, but everything about myself and I longed to know everything about him too. I let go, I couldn't hold it any longer.

" I just want to forget" I whispered quietly. If it wasn't for his vampire hearing I know he wouldn't have heard me. His expression turned curious but he waited patiently for me to continue. I don't know what called out to me, making me trust him but I think it was a combination of the intense sincerity of his gaze and my need to let this all out.

"I wanted a chance at a fresh start, but with the pregnancy and the e-mail and everything else I don't know what to do I-" he cut my rabbling short

"wait Bella slow down and start from the beginning"

I took a deep breath to prevent myself from hyperventilating. I did as I was told and started from the beginning. I started from when I first met Alexander at the party and I told him about Alexander becoming my boyfriend. I told him about the rape. How it made me feel; dirty and worthless. That was the hardest part of the entire story. I cried but Edward made me feel a lot better by Wrapping his arms around me and whispering that it was alright.

"He wasn't always like that" I continued. I recalled all the fun times we spent together, like when we had gone to the amusement park and Alexander, like any good date, won me a giant stuffed animal. Remembering that night made me smile. It was also the night we had our first kiss, on the Ferris wheel.

" and all I want is to forget" I concluded.

He looked thoughtful for a moment before replying

" forgetting is not what you need to worry about" was all he said. I didn't get it. How could I not worry about forgetting? It's what I came to Forks for in the first place .

"What you need to do isn't 'forget' but rather embrace it and allow it to make you stronger" he continued.

"Make me stronger?" I asked sarcastically. If anything it made me feel weaker. Like I should have been able to fight him off or stop him in some way. I was on the verge of flipping out but he was very calm and patient with me

"I know that it made you feel weak, not preventing him, but if you keep living like this-"he gestured toward me with his hand "-then that is what truly makes you weak because you are letting him win, by allowing him to have this much power over your life."

He was right but I could I possibly stop? I couldn't help but think of Alexander. I stayed silent while processing all Edward had said.

"I know that it seems hard to stop thinking about him, but time heals all wounds." I realized now that he had been talking like...like...on no!!

" I thought you couldn't read my mind" I said slowly, to prevent my voice from cracking.

"I can not" he replied much to my satisfaction. I let out a sigh of relief. I wasn't sure what I would have done if he could hear my thoughts.

"However" he spoke again "I can clearly see what your feeling by looking into your eyes, I can see the large amount of pain your in, its quite easy to guess your thoughts by using your eyes, they have a depth to them that I have never encountered on anyone else" I widened my eyes briefly, that was exactly what Alexander used to do, look into my eyes and read my emotions, but I was certain that he was the only person who would be able to do that. I was wrong I suppose. I realized what he said about my eyes having depth. Could he be referring to exactly what I say in his eyes? I didn't really have time to think about it too hard because he spoke again

"Also, listening to your music helps, I too play the piano, and know what it sounds like to release ones pain through the keys"

"Your musical?" I asked excitedly.

He nodded and we launched into worlds longest conversation about music. We both listened to the same music. It was very entertaining, and occasionally one of us would make a music related joke and we would crack up.

It was beginning to get dark and I knew I would have to leave soon. I looked up at the sky sadly. I'm not sure why but today the sunset was extra beautiful. It is always beautiful but I think the look-a-like a Greek god sitting next to me helped. I sighed thinking about how badly I didn't want to go home.

"You must leave" Edward said. I smiled, loving how he could analyze me with such ease.

"Yeah, it's getting late and I still have to cook dinner" I said looking into his deep honey-colored eyes.

The drive home was a lot of fun. I felt better now that I had been honest with Edward. I really did enjoy myself, and I think I may be falling for him. I doubt he feels the same way though. I mean c'mon I'm damaged, impure and pregnant. What could he possibly want with me?

We had a contest on the way home of the corniest jokes ever made. I was using all the classic your momma is so stupid and he was using your momma is so fat. I'm not even sure how we got to your momma jokes but it was an enjoyable experience anyway. We laughed extremely hard the entire way back to his house.

When we walked in everyone seemed surprised to see us together, except Alice who had a knowing glance. She winked at me and I pretended not to notice. We greeted everyone as we climbed the stairs. I had no idea where we were going but Edward had motioned for me to follow him, so I did. I couldn't help but trust him completely.

"My room" he said as we came to a halt at the end of the hall on the third floor. He opened the wooden door leading into his room. His room was very simple, cd's a carpet and a couch, but it was still very nice.

"Please have a seat" he said catching my gaze. We talked a little bit more, about nothing and yet about everything. But I knew I had to leave. I had to make dinner for myself and Charlie. With everything that had happen I wasn't sure if I had eaten today or not, I couldn't remember. That can't be good for the baby. I touched my stomach lightly thinking about my baby girl, Nanette. I had some money saved up but soon I would have to get a job. Eventually I would have to tell Charlie and hope that he doesn't kick me out.

"I need to go home" I said after awhile. I wasn't sure how much time had passed it seemed like nothing when I was with Edward. He nodded in understanding, and looked like he was a little saddened by th idea of us parting, I took comfort it that thought.

I was walking out of his door and on my way outside when he stopped me

"Bella" he said. I turned around to let him know that I had heard him call my name.

"Would you be at all willing to spend time with me again tomorrow evening?" he seemed almost nervous as he asked. I had to admit I liked this side of him, a lot, it was very cute.

I smiled kindly

"it would be my pleasure" I responded trying to mimic the flow of his perfect articulation. His eyes brightened and he offered to walk me outside to my truck. I said goodbye to the rest of the Cullens, on my way out, I had a feeling I was going to be seeing a lot more of them in the approaching days.

Edward's head shook in disapproval as my ancient truck roared to life. I resisted the urge to either stick out my tongue or stick up my middle finger, playfully of course. I chose to wave instead.

When I got home I made dinner, it was pretty late but Charlie still wasn't home. I was greatfull for that because I didn't want to be questioned of where I was when he got home and I wasn't there too, I would soon run out of lies and would have to tell him the truth. That could wait though, because I had other things on my mind other than Charlie and his reaction to my pregnancy. Surprisingly, my thoughts where not of Alexander but rather, of Edward. They were, of course, good thoughts, of what we would do tomorrow and what I would wear.

The phone began to ring mid-day dream. There was only one voice I wanted to hear, anyone else would be a disappointment.

"Hello" I answered. My voice surprised me, I actually sounded happy. Not like before, with false happiness, it was genuine this time.

"I'm going to be late, so don't wait up for me" oh. It was only Charlie, my smile faded a bit, but my good mood didn't.

"Alright" was all I said before he said 'bye' and hung up. Shrugging I made my way upstairs to my bedroom. I was exhausted, I had been through a lot today. I guess confessing takes a lot out of a person.

I was very astonished by my dreams that night. Instead if the nightmares I actually had a dream. I dreamed that I was running through a forest, from somewhere rather than to somewhere, I guessed due to the aggressive nature and urgency of my run. I looked behind me and Alexander was there chasing me, and when I turned around I ran straight into Edwards loving embrace, something about Edwards presence made everything else fade away, even Alexander. That wasn't just in my dream but in real life too. Im not sure what the dream was supposed to mean, I'm not a dream interrupter, but maybe, just maybe Edward really was sent to save me. I could only hope.

* * *

IMPORTANT!!!!

_**I WILL **__**NOT **__**BE ABLE TO UPDATE 2MORRO, LIKE I WOULD WANT TO. I'M GOING TO SEE MY FRIEND IN A PLAY. ITS HER OPENING NIGHT AND I HAVE TO GO BECAUSE SHE CAME TO THE OPENING NIGHT FOR THE PLAY I WAS IN. WE ARE A BUNCH OF DRAMA KIDS. ANYWAYZ ILL UPDATE THE NEXT DAY...ITS EDWARDS AND BELLAS DATE CHAP. I CANT WAIT 2 WRITE IT. ITS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN...OK BYE !!!**_


	8. CONFESSIONS

_**A/N: DON'T BE MAD WITH ME (THATS WORSE THAN AT ME) I GOT SICK AND WASN'T ABLE TO UPDATE...SO HER IT IS THE LONG AWAITED, DATE CHAP...**_

* * *

_**ITS BETTER WHEN WE BOTH KNOW THE TRUTH...**_

_Confessions_

I had to admit, after that dream last night I couldn't be any happier. Thinking about Edward really being my savior brought a smile to face as I rolled out of bed and went to the bathroom to take a shower, brush my teeth, and do my hair. Showers usually relax me but today, with thoughts of Edward, it didn't work as well. I was still just as happy when I got out of the shower.

I needed something to occupy myself with. I was so exited for tonight, but it seemed like tonight was too far away and not coming fast enough. I had to do something to take my mind off of Edward. Although I wanted to rid myself of thoughts of Edward, I was happy they were thoughts of Edward, instead of being of Alexander. I think he had haunted my life long enough, its time I began the process of letting him go. The first step of this process, I decided, would be my date tonight. I will enjoy going out with Edward and I refuse to let thoughts of Alexander ruin my date. _'Date_' the thought made me smile. I hoped that what it really was just that, a date, and not just him feeling sorry for me or something. I excused that thought as soon as it came. I wasn't going to let anything get me down today. I was going to stay happy, no matter what.

I still had a while until I had to get ready for Edward, so after my shower I simply put on some sweat pants and a large baggy t-shirt. When I was finished getting dressed I went downstairs to eat breakfast. Yay! Apple jacks again, my favorite.

I turned on the TV. I really wasn't watching it, but I let my thoughts wonder instead. Naturally the were about Edward. I was broken out of my daydream when there was a sudden knock at my door._ Who could that be at the door??_ I thought as I got off of the couch to answer it. I was kind of expecting a package or something but instead I got a very cheerful looking Alice. I looked at her confused, and motioned for her to come inside.

"I'm here to get you ready" was all she said while heading up the stairs. It was then that I noticed the bags she had in her hands. I'm guessing makeup and clothes or something. I hadn't noticed them before because of the shock of seeing her. I followed her silently upstairs, I thought it best not to protest. I didn't really want to be made up, like a Barbie doll, but I wanted to look pretty for Edward.

I felt like a helpless victim as she played cosmetician and hairdresser with me in my bathroom. I had to keep reminding myself that it was all for Edward, so I would keep my mouth shut and not complain. I wanted to satisfy my urge to fidget, it felt like forever since I was allowed to move. So in order to keep my mind off of moving and behave myself I started a conversation.

"So" I began "what is tonight about anyway?" I wasn't really sure if it was suppose to be a date or not. I'd be more than embarrassed if it wasn't.

"Are you_ that_ oblivious" she asked with a false-shocked expression. I looked at her curiously, I wasn't sure how to reply so I stayed silent.

"Bella, Edward is head over heels for you. I thought you would have been able to tell" I thought for a moment, could that have been the unrecognizable emotion I had seen is his eyes, _love_? Thinking this brought a smile to my face. I was beginning to feel the same way. Maybe we really were falling for each other. I hadn't thought it possible to fall in love again after Alexander, but here I was, falling. I just hope the person I'm falling for catches me this time. We stayed silent while she finished up my hair and makeup.

I had to be honest, I wasn't sure if the reflection in the mirror was really me or not. I looked, dare I say it, _hot_. Alice told me I looked beautiful, I hoped Edward would think the same thing. My chocolate brown hair was in spiral curls cascading down my back and ending at my waste. My makeup was simple but it was done very-well. My outfit wasn't anything special Alice told me we wouldn't be going anywhere fancy, but that it would still be romantic. However she shut up after I asked her where Edward and I would be going. She refused to tell me. I was wearing a pink v-neck long-sleeved t-shirt and some jeans. By the time I was all done getting ready there was a soft knock on the front door.

"That is Edward" I heard Alice say. I turned to look at her but she was already gone.

I went to the front door and opened it. There was my look-a-like a Greek god. His attire was just as simple as my own, a t-shirt and jeans. I looked as if he was scrutinizing my outfit just as I did him.

"you look beautiful" he whispered, sincerity ringing in every word.

"You don't look so bad yourself" I replied with a sly smile.

"Shall we?" he asked holding out his arm. I gladly snaked my arm around his.

The car ride was silent, Edward seemed to be in deep thought. Something told me that although he was looking at the road, he wasn't really _seeing_ it. When I asked him to tell me what it was that was troubling him, he told me he'd tell me when we got there. I had a feeling that if I asked where 'there' was he wouldn't answer so I waited, impatiently, for us to arrive at our destination.

Edward took us back to the trail we had come to before. This time it was slightly different

though. There were flower petals leading up the path. The petals were blood red and smelled divine. I asked if they were roses and Edward simply nodded. He seemed to be in deep thought again, but I remembered his promise to tell me so I didn't prod. The path was also adorned with little lanterns stuck into the ground on both sides of the path. They did not give off colored light, they lit the pathway with a simple pure white light. I think the reflection of white light off of the rose petals combined with the moon light made this place so beautiful. But as beautiful as this place was, nothing could compare to Edward's beauty.

We stopped at the same bench that we had come to before, it was covered in darkness due to the large tree that it was under. It was different too. It was surrounded by the same lanterns that lit the path. It also had a very large blanket draped over the back. I know that it was for me because being the vampire that Edward was, he was always very cold. Cold air didn't bother his kind; they probably couldn't even feel it. It wasn't too cold at the moment but depending on how much time we spend here, it might get cold and I might need it.

We sat down together, our bodies facing each other. I looked at Edward, but he only stared up at the moon. I wasn't exactly sure what tonight was supposed to be about, but I sensed an urgency, like it was crucial for us to be together tonight. Like something important was going to take place.

I'm not sure how long we sat there in silence. I didn't really mind the silence though, anytime spent with Edward was like Heaven. After looking at the moon for a while, he turned to me. His face looked softer than it had before. Calm almost, like what ever was bothering him was now resolved. I was glad, I didn't like the fact that something was bothering him and I couldn't help.

"Bella" he began smiling. "There are some things I have to tell you" he looked very nervous, despite the smile on his face. I wondered if I should be nervous too.i could tell he Saw this, most likely by reading my eyes.

"Its nothing bad, I think its quite good actually" he reassured me. I relaxed. There was nothing to worry about. He said not to worry so I didn't, I trusted him, completely.

"Bella, I think it's time you knew the truth. I am very much in love with you." I was shocked to say the least. I wanted to tell him that I was falling for him too but He didn't give me a chance to respond, he continued, like if he was to stop talking everything that needed to be said would never come out again.

"I know that we only just met but I can not help but be in love with you. Not only are you beautiful-" I blushed crimson."-but your intelligent, funny, and you have got to be the most amazing person I have every met. The day you walked into the house wasn't the first time I saw you either, I think its time you knew, Alice had been having visions of you weeks prior to your arrival. That is what she truly meant by 'I saw you coming.' she had seen us ending up together, in love. I began to fall in love with you through her visions. They did you hardly any justice though, you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen anyway, but in person, you were nothing short of _heavenly_. The first time I looked into your eyes, I felt something, a tugging on my heart. It was as if your heart was calling out to mine. If I thought I was falling for you through her visions, it was nothing compared to how I felt then. At the one moment I truly knew that we were meant to be together." then he looked down, almost ashamed. " but when Carlisle said that you were pregnant, my dead heart broke. I didn't know it was possible to feel so much anguish, especially for a person you technically haven't met yet. I figured that there must be something wrong with Alice, that maybe her visions were failing her. That thought became more dominant when I realized that I couldn't read your mind. I thought that maybe some sort of illness had effected our health. Very unlikely, but there was no other way to explain both out powers not working. But for some reason jasper's power worked just fine. So I figured that maybe we would end up together and I guessed that the reason I couldn't read your mind was because your mind doesn't work the same way, like the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I am only getting FM. I concluded that maybe you were simply, very, very special. The mystery that is Isabella Swan only intrigued me more. I suppose I should feel privileged to even be able to talk to you." that was exactly how I felt about him, undeserving.

"The day you came by, covered in sweat with tears rolling down your face, I was concerned, naturally, but I couldn't help but think that maybe you had broken up with you boyfriend, I have to admit, I found a great deal of comfort in that thought. I couldn't be sure however because I noticed the engagement ring on your finger, the symbol of a bond between you. But when I brought you here-" he gestured to the park "- and you told me all about what he did to you, I was sure that Alice's visions were not failing her. And although I was heart broken by your past, I was overjoyed by the future. It never seems to change, we always end up together. And for the first time, in over ninety years I'm truly happy."

It took me a little while to process everything I had just heard, it was a lot to take in. Edward waited patiently for me to regulate my heart and speak. Although my words were simple, I could clearly see the great impact they had on him. What I said was

"Im glad I'm not alone" I didn't mean physically alone, but I meant alone emotionally. It would have been heartbreaking to find out that I was the only one with these feelings. It was very nice to know that he was falling for me too.

His eyes lit up and he did the most amazing thing; He kissed me. He moved very slowly and gently against my lips. His kiss was nothing like Alexander's, Alexanders kisses were rough, slightly aggressive. Edwards kiss was soft, almost innocent. Like he was testing if it would be alright to kiss me. Electric currents ran through us as he moved his lips down my face slowly, reaching my neck. Now he was teasing me. A vampire going to kiss my neck, how original. I would have rolled my eyes, playfully, if this didn't feel way to good to move. He trailed kisses back up my neck and firmly placed a final kiss on my lips. It was the sweetest kiss I had ever received. I loved it, I could tell he enjoyed it too because he had worlds largest grin.

Then he did something that shocked and made me warm inside at the same time. He gently moved off the bench, down to his knees and kissed my stomach. Or more accurately, my daughter.

"I love you too" he told her softly. It was the sweetest thing I had ever seen. He looked up into my eyes, im sure the were filled with love and excitement, because that is exactly what I saw in his. Him kissing my pregnant stomach, brought me back to the present.

"I don't know what I'm going to do" I confessed. I still had no clue how to handle this.

"Tell Charlie that I am the father, and we'll work this out together" he said. WHAT!! Was he sure he wanted to do this. Raise another man baby? And tell my dad that the baby belonged to him?

"Why" I asked. I wanted to ask if he was sure but why came out instead.

"I should have made it clear, after the day you came to my house for Carlisle, Alice had visions of the three of us together" he placed his palm lightly on my stomach, as he got up to sit back on the bench.

"are you sure you want to do that?" I asked suddenly nervous.

"Yes, I'm positive. I don't see the difference between this, and artificial insemination or adoption. It's the same concept. I've always wanted children, and seeing your daughter, with us, in my arms, I can not even begin to describe how that made me feel." he was really serious. I could see it in his eyes. He wanted this baby as bad as I did, we loved her, and we would raise her, together. _Together_ that would made me smile. Edward said it and I believed that it was my turn

"I love you and for the first time, in a long time, I'm truly happy"


	9. TELLING CHARLIE

**_PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY..._**

Telling Charlie

I still couldn't believe last night. It had gone better than I could have ever imagined. Although I played the nights events over and over in head, I still couldn't believe it. I highly doubted that I would fall in love ever again, after Alexander, and so quickly too. Edward and I had just met, but it felt as if we had known each other for an eternity. Like we were meant to be together. I felt a completion like I had never known before. I felt as if I was empty, somehow missing something very important from my essential makeup, and that Edward filled what ever it was that I could not on my own.

After, in a way, declaring ourselves, Edward and I talked until about eleven thirty. We hadn't known it was so late. We completely lost track of time. When we were together it was way too easy to get wrapped in our own little world and forget about everything else. Like nothing else mattered but us. I had him and he had me, and with that came a great fullness, as if we only needed each other. We had become so occupied with our conversation we didn't even realize the hour.

Our conversations were always astonishing, sometimes they were on the simplest of topics, and sometimes they were on more complex issues. I was continuously absorbed in Edwards well-formulated opinions. He was so levelheaded, not like other boys, he knew things, intelligent things. The type of intelligent things that are used to start and sustain good conversations.

Edward drove me home saying, as he walked me to my front door, that he would call later on, before he kissed me softy and whispered 'goodnight'. His lips on my own had to be the most marvelous sensation ever! Although his lips were always hard as stone his kisses were as soft as, what a imagined would be, an Angels wing. They also left a warm tingling long after the kiss ended, and I loved it.

Edward and I talked last night and decided that today would be the best day to tell Charlie. We thought it would be better sooner rather than later because if I waited too long it would probably just make Charlie more mad. And to add to that I was starting to show. I had always been skinny, I weighed about 110 pounds, so it didn't take too much weight-gain for it to be noticeable that I was pregnant.

It was Sunday, so Charlie would be home early. _Perfect_ I thought sarcastically. I knew it had to be done but I still didn't want to have to tell Charlie. I was afraid. I didn't want to get kicked out, having him think I'm some sort of slut. In all fairness, it did look like that, we were going to tell him that the baby was Edwards, and we just met. But that, to me, was better than telling him the truth. What happened with Alexander, It wasn't something that I wanted to go around telling people; 'guess what? I was raped and now I'm pregnant Yay!'_ sarcasm_

The plan was that Edward would come by later tonight, with Carlisle. Carlisle was there because he had experience talking to people who couldn't get a grip on their emotions, just incase Charlie got too angry. We would slowly explain to him that I was pregnant, Edward was the father, and Esme would watch the baby during the day while we were at school.

"Esme won't mind at all, Alice already saw it, she'll be delighted. That way you and I can finish school and then we can move in together, and begin our wonderful eternity." Edward had said ,with a smile mind you, when I asked how all this was going to work out. He looked very calm. Sure of the future, not worried at all. I was a wreck, I wasn't too reassured by just Edward. I was quite nervous because Alice hadn't seen Charlie's reaction. Alice, or course, only saw everything else. That is what made me worry; The unknown. Alice and I had only just met, just like Edward an I, and I was already depending on her visions way too much. I didn't know it was possible to grow so close to people so fast, but I'm not complaining, I'm very content where I am. Minus having to tell Charlie.

I must have chewed of all of my nails due to the nervousness I felt about telling Charlie tonight. What if he hated me for it? I wasn't sure if that was something I would be able to handle. I tried to relieve of anxiety by telling myself that even if Charlie hated me for this, Edward still loved me and that was all I needed. It helped. A lot. I was happy that I had Edward to help me through it, I didn't know what I would do without him. I would have most likely hyperventilated.

In the middle of trying to occupy myself with cleaning, there was a knock on the door. I knew it was Edward when I looked at the clock, _six thirty_, just like we had planned. Of course he was punctual too. Would I ever find an imperfection?, maybe I really was destined to love everything about him, _forever._

I had thought the same thing about Alexander, but there were a lot of things about him that I didn't like. For one, he was never on time, for anything. Dates, school, _anything_.

Anyway, back to the door. I went to open it and, again, was surprised by Edward's perfection. There he was, my look-a-like a Greek god and his father, Carlisle. I greeted them both with a smile, despite my nervousness.

"hi Edward, hi Carlisle." they both answered with hellos, their smiles were not forced, like mine had been, they were calm and not worried. Edward kissed me softly while walking in the door. I smiled but then blushed when I noticed Carlisle trying to cover up a smirk. I knew his family was happy that he had found someone, I just hoped Charlie would grant me the same emotion.

We sat on the couches and went through what we would say to Charlie. I was so nervous, he would be home soon. Sensing my nervousness, Edward rubbed my back soothingly. His touch was calming, and at the exact moment my heart rate started to slow, Charlie walked in the door.

_This is so not good_ I thought to myself as I stood up and tried my best to smile. When Charlie walked in and noticed Carlisle and Edward he looked very confused, and looked at me for an explanation. When I opened my mouth however, Carlisle stepped in. Thank goodness.

"Mr. Swan, it may be in your best interest to sit down" then Charlie looked worried.

"Is everything alright doctor cullen?" he asked. Poor Charlie, his daughter looks stressed out and there is a doctor here telling him to sit down. He must think I have cancer or something. Picking up on this, at the same time that I did, Carlisle spoke.

"Everyone is healthy, if that's what you were wondering, but, we may have a little problem, but that depends entirely on how you take the following news" I knew that was my cue to speak, and I wanted to, so badly, but suddenly my chest felt heavy and I could find my voice. Edward took my hand, very discreetly, and that helped.

"Dad" I began slowly "I'm pregnant" I thought it best not to beat around the bush and just tell him. Charlie's face began to turn a very strange shade of purple. I silently prayed that I didn't just give him a heart attack.

"Dad...?" I questioned. He held up one hand in front of him and muttered

"give me a moment." while Charlie was taking his 'moment' I used the time to regulate my breathing and my heart rate. Charlie sat down, and so did Edward, Carlisle, and I. Charlie looked me directly in the eye and asked in what can only be described as the saddest tone in the world "why?" that simple word almost threw me over the edge. I stopped breathing for a few seconds just so I would let out the sob of despair, that had been rising in my throat.

It was one of the questions, I knew, that parents ask even though they don't really want the answer. Even if he didn't want an answer, or to even hear my voice because he was so angry, I replied with the only thing I could possibly speak.

"I'm sorry" I looked in his eyes, I could see that he was having some soft or internal struggle. I guessed it was if he should kill me or not.

His face became less-purple, as time passed. Every second was filled with an agonizing silence. It felt like forever, but probably wasn't anymore than a minute or two.

Carlisle decided to speak. He told Charlie, in a very calm voice. How responsible Edward and I were. How we planned to finish school and stay together to raise the baby. Charlie didn't seem to have a problem with my decision to keep the baby. Thank goodness, because there was no way I was going to give up my child.

By the time Carlisle finished talking, Charlie was his normal shade again. It seemed that he was slowly accepting the fact that I was pregnant and keeping the baby. Edward also spoke to Charlie, about his devotion to me and this baby. He said that he loved us both and would never abandon us. Sincerity rand in his every word, and Charlie's, still tight with anxiety face, softened. And I blushed.

By the end of the night, Charlie didn't seem at all upset, shaking hands with Carlisle and Edward, smiling, saying goodbye, and inviting them over for another time.

Edward and I got only a moment alone, he told me that he would need to hunt that night so he would see me later and would call ASAP. He told me that he loved me and kissed me softly on the lips before driving away with Carlisle.

Charlie said goodnight to me when I walked back into the house after saying goodnight to Edward. I was surprised that he didn't grill me out. Seeing my confusion he said

"your not in trouble, I trust you know what your doing, but we will talk about this later"

I replied with the only thing I could think to say "thank you for being understanding dad"

he smiled before heading upstairs to sleep, with me following behind him.


	10. WARM MY HEART CHILL MY SOUL

**_THE PERFECT ENDING TO A NOT SO PERFECT BEGINING..._**

**(The first day of school...)**

The last few days for Edward and I were great. We stayed up all night together almost everyday last week. To prepare for school, because I would have to go to sleep on time every night when school started. It was like the best sleep over ever! Emmet, Alice, and Rosalie even came one night. Jasper didn't come because he wasn't sure that he would be able to be that close to me for so long. Because he couldn't stay the night too, Alice didn't stay for very long. We had lots of fun anyway. We played fun card games like speed, which I lost because I wasn't fast enough. Edward even taught me how to play poker, but I lost that too. I still had a great time though. We also played gestures, which is just like charades but faster. Edward of course won, with his mind reading and all.

"_CHEATER"!!!_ we all chanted at the same time, as we counted the scores and realized that Edward was winning. He swore that he stayed out of everyones head, but he had a mischievous glimmer in his eyes that tipped me off that he was lying.

Anyway, back to the present, today is the first day of school. I didn't have my look-a-like a Greek god to wake me up this morning though. He and his family had gone hunting in preparation for the first day, wouldn't want them to attack any Forks high students now would we?

I missed him, but he promised to be here to drive me to school. I got up and got ready, showering, brushing my hair and teeth. I got dressed in a simple red sweater and jeans, I decided it would be better not to dress in black anymore, because I was finally getting over Alexander.

Although I still wore his ring, a symbol of his love, I did love Edward and I was still trying to let go. I wasn't sure if I would ever take off the ring but I did know that I would always love Edward. Looking at the ring did make me feel bad, like I was somehow cheating on Edward, not giving him all of me, my complete heart. Like some part of me still belonged to Alexander and it was my choice to get it back or not and I was doing nothing about it. But I was trying and Edward never asked any more of me. And for that I was very grateful.

When I was finished getting ready, I went down stairs to get some food. Right at my kitchen table was my look-a-like a Greek god, Edward. He came over and kissed me softly on the lips, and I wrapped my arms slowly around his neck. I felt him stiffen and I let go. I knew it was hard for him to be this close, with my good smelling blood and all.

"Good morning" he said sweetly.

"Hi" was all I could say back. I was way too lost in his eyes to carry on a conversation.

I got some cereal and when I finished washing out the bowl he asked

"Are you nearly ready to leave my darling?" smiling that crooked smile that I loved so much. I simply nodded and followed him out of the door.

We rode to school in a comfortable silence, listening to soft music. Edward hummed along with the songs that I had never heard but liked instantly. They were beautiful. No lyrics, just soft melodies. My curiosity was eating away at me and I just had to ask

"who's music is this? I love it" Edward smiled brightly and I understood then

"you wrote this?" I asked. He nodded and said

"glad you like it, I wrote them for you" I blushed, and whispered an embarrassed

"thank you" he just smiled at my reaction. He truly was amazing, writing me music, and it was so beautiful too.

we pulled into the school parking lot, and I noticed right away a little green Honda civic parked in the far corner of the parking lot, away from other students. _It couldn't be could it? _I thought to myself. That was the same car Alexander drove. But he couldn't have found me. No. It wasn't possible. I vaguely realized that the car had come to a stop.

I looked around the parking lot, but I didn't see him, that helped, a little.

"Bella?" Edward called me out of my thoughts "what's wrong?" he asked concerned. I knew he could hear my elevated heart rate. And I hadn't realized before but I was trembling also, which he could see and most likely feel. I couldn't speak. What was I to say. That could be my ex boyfriends car right there but maybe not, and if it isn't I'm acting like this for no reason. Yeah. He would think that I'm insane, which, with all that's happened, I probably should be.

"It's nothing" I said quickly and got out of the car. I knew he didn't believe me but he didn't press for more information.

He and I walked up to the office together, receiving surprised stares from boys and jealous glares from girls.

" they are surprised to see me with you, I've never even _looked_ at anyone but members of my family" he said lowly, chuckling. My guess is, all the girls that were glaring had wanted to be with him, and here I was, the new girl, with the fabulous Edward Cullen.

We got our schedules and school maps, we had almost all periods together, all but lunch. The fabulous Edward Cullen couldn't swing that one.

The first few periods went without incident, Edward and I would walk in and sit down together, all eyes on us, me blushing the whole way, and Edward acting as if he didn't notice. Nothing really happen, no Alexander, thank goodness.

When lunch came around, I really didn't want to go by myself but he promised that Emmet would be there shortly. He walked me to the cafeteria and kissed me saying that he would see me at my second period after lunch.

I walked into the cafeteria and found an empty table near the door. I wasn't hungry so I didn't bother getting food. Edward always tells me I should eat because I'm eating for two, but if I'm not hungry then the baby isn't hungry either, I reasoned, which may or may not be true.

I decided I would just wait for Emmet, having lunch with him would be fun, lucky me that I wasn't eating because with Emmet, I'd laugh so hard that I would probably choke on my food. He is so funny, I can still remember the night we went to the movies, I laughed so hard that my stomach was hurting the entire night, yeah, he would definitely make me choke.

After a few minutes of waiting for Emmet to show up, I felt a presence behind me, ok maybe it was just the fact that the person was breathing on the back of my neck. I figured it was Emmet being silly. I had every intension of turning around and pushing him off of me and onto the floor. But when I put my hands on the figures shoulders and looked up it wasn't Emmet, it was no other than Alexander Nyx. _**(A/n: so wanted to end it right here)**_

"You haven't seen me in so long, that you can't keep your hands off of me huh" he said in, given any other situation, would have been a seductive tone. I removed my hands quickly and looked at him in shock. How did he find me?

I wanted to get up and leave but I couldn't even go anywhere I was stuck between him and the table. I wanted to scream, yell, hit him, _something_ for what he did to me. But unfortunately I was frozen in my spot. I felt like I couldn't breath. I took a deep breath, so I would no longer feel like I was suffocating.

"After all this time, I still leave you breath-less don't I?" he teased, smirking. I felt like spitting on him. I was so angry._ So why couldn't I move?_ Was it because secretly I wanted to be there? No! I yelled at myself. No way would I want to be stuck here with _him._ He absolutely disgusted me. He tried to reach out his hand and touch my face, but I blocked his hand with my are, and hissed with as much anger as I could manage

"don't put your filthy hands on me" he looked hurt and surprised, his face mirrored his face from _that night_. I have to admit, it frightened me.

Then suddenly His eyes softened.

"Why are you upset sweety?" he asked, in the sweetest tone I had ever heard him use. That only angered me more, he didn't comfort me as I'm sure he was expecting. I looked at him in disbelief for a moment. He looked honestly confused as to why I was so mad at him.

"You came into my room, and_ raped_ me, how do you expect me to be?"I whispered through tears I couldn't have been happier that we were at the far table across the room. He look surprised again, and I didn't know why. Why was he acting like this, like he didn't remember or something.

"Are you referring to the night we made love?" he asked, sounding hurt. How could he call it that. I didn't want it, only he did, and he took advantage of me.

"Made love" I whispered, mocking him harshly. "How could you call what you did to me love?" I questioned. " love had nothing to do with what you did to me, are you crazy?" I asked, my voice rising a little.

The evil glint he had when I had first turned around was back. Something told me that the sweet and innocent act that had just taken place was over. I wasn't sure what to expect.

"It may have started out with just me wanting it, but you know that after I started you wanted it too" he said. How could he say that, did he actually believe that I wanted him to do that to me. I was speechless, what do you say after something like that? He took my shocked silence completely wrong.

"No argument huh? Is that because you know that I'm right?" he raised his eyebrows suggestibly. I still couldn't talk, so I just shook my head. He decided to continue taunting me with his false accusations

"Once I began to make love to you" he started. I began to protest but he cut me off. "You whispered in my ear 'don't stop' did you not?" he was taking that_ so_ the wrong way. I was asking him to stop, not to rape me. But he didn't give me time to explain myself.

"And did you not begin to shiver, yes you did, your body convulsed with the fulfillment of pleasure didn't it?" I wanted to scream at him _'I WAS SHAKING IN FEAR YOU BASTARD'_ but again, he did not give me the chance to speak. He continued with his lies, while I sat there helpless stuck between the table and Alexander.

"Oh, and lets not forget, you fought me, but once I entered you, you loosened up. You lied there and let me touch you, why, because you liked it. You realized how good it felt and you didn't want anything more than me at that moment." jerk! That was so not it. I was giving up! Didn't het get it?

"No, your wrong you bastard, I hope you go to hell" I said, getting ready to slap him in the face. Someone's hand caught mine, I looked up to find Edward and Emmet. Edward was the one who caught my hand.

"Bella don't, it isn't his fault, he's sick" Edward said looking at me apologetically. I didn't understand at first, I thought Edward meant sick like when your referring to any rapist or someone like that. But I soon realized that he meant medically sick because all of the sudden Alexander began to convulse violently. He was having a seizure I realized when Edward let go of me and ran to help him. Edward was just fast enough and caught him before he hit the ground. Emmet just as fast was calling 9-1-1 for help.

I drove to the hospital with Edward. Even his shinny Volvo couldn't get there fast enough. I wanted to make sure Alexander was ok. And I regretted saying what I said to him. I didn't wish hell upon him. I was only angry.

"What is wrong with him?" I asked Edward afraid of what the answer would be.

"I'm not sure yet. We'll have Carlisle run some test. The only thing I can tell you is that it's a mental illness, judging by his thoughts, because they were too jumbled to make out." I nodded and we stayed silent the rest of the way there.

Edward, Alice, Emmet, Rosalie, and even Jasper were there in the waiting room with me. It felt like forever but it must have only been about an hour when Carlisle came out with a diagnosis.

"He has multi infarct dementia" Carlisle began. I was confused. I understood the word dementia.

"He' gone crazy" I stated. Carlisle just nodded.

I learned later that multi infarct dementia is caused my multiple strokes and effects behavior and mood. The strokes are what caused the seizure too.

"When can I see him" I asked.

"You can see him right now if you'd like, but he isn't awake" I nodded and looked at Edward. I didn't want him to feel like I was leaving him for Alexander.

"Its alright I understand, ill be here waiting for you" Edward said with understanding. And he kissed me softly on my cheek.

I walked to Alexanders room with Carlisle. He told me that it wasn't caught in time, and unless a miracle occurred he wouldn't make it through the week. That brought tears to my eyes. I may not be in love with him but what we had was real and he was still a person who didn't deserve to die if what he did was caused by an illness that he couldn't help. I sat by his bed side and took his hand in mine. I knew that he was really sick then, because he was really cold. He was never as warm as a human but he did generate some heat. But now he felt like ice. It made me shiver.

For three days I sat beside Alexander, his hand in mine, wishing that he would be alright. Not that I wanted to be with him or anything like that but I wanted him to live. After all he was my first love, and the father of my child. And on top of that he was way too young to die. Only seventeen. I sighed. I prayed that he would at least wake up, so I could talk to him one last time.

He finally did wake up on day 4. I was in my usually spot, praying that he would be ok. He opened his eyes, and they were just like before all this happen. The loving adoring eyes that I had fallen in love with. Not clouded over with evil or anything else. All I saw was love and a hint of sadness, maybe remorse? He started to speak

"Isabella, say that you'll forgive me, I wanted to be perfect for you but I failed" I couldn't stop the tears. That statement hurt me so much.

"Im not angry with you Alexander" I was before but I couldn't blame him, it wasn't his fault. He was sick. He wanted to be perfect but perfection is something that possibly can never be reached.

"Say you'll forgive me" he whispered again.

"I forgive you" I said. As soon as the words left my mouth, his heart rate monitor went flat. He died. Just like that. It was over. He was gone.

**(Next week)**

I didn't go to the funeral. I knew I couldn't handle it. I would lose it. But I couldn't stop myself from visiting his grave the next day. Edward drove me to the cemetery. He was buried in forks. I was confused as to why his mother didn't bury him in Seattle. I found at later that he requested to be buried where ever I was. That hurt a lot.

I looked down at his grave. It stated a bible verse 'the Lord is my shepherd I shall not want, and the words 'loving son, devoted friend' and his name 'Alexander nyx'.

This was my final goodbye, I knew that I would never return to this spot, for that would be like returning to the past, opening up old wounds. So to say goodbye properly, I removed the ring he had given me and laid it lightly on the top of his head stone. 'Goodbye' I whispered. It hurt but I knew that I should be grateful for the happiness he gave me for a time, close that chapter of my life, and move on, which is exactly what I did, with Edward firmly at my side. If perfection is something that can never be reached I must say, having Edward was pretty damn close.

_...he had caused me to loose my self, but finding you helped find me_

_...I now understand why I went through all that, because you were my true destiny_

_...although it still hurts sometimes, you know how to make the pain go away_

_...with your soft kisses, tender touch, and the sweet things that you say_

_...I'll love you for eternity, you will forever be mine_

_...and in return I'll belong to you 'till the end of time_

_...I care for you so deeply, I'm not sure you can every fully know_

_...just the very thought of you can warm my heart and chill my soul_

_THE END..._

* * *

_yay 4 me..i finished it_


End file.
